SKU: 3442768394

If Only I'd Known!

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Description

If Only I'd Known!There is also an ebook version available of this title, it is for sale from Amazon or your usual provider. This book follows on from 'It Wasn't Me Sir' as Bernard Carter leaves school and tries to become an adult. With hilarious consequences. Being grown up is a real pain! He has to clean his teeth, wash daily and change his underpants more often. Get drunk, have sex, get married, become a student. Acquire a dipstick dog, a Lambretta, a death wish and

There is also an ebook version available of this title, it is for sale from Amazon or your usual provider. 

This book follows on from 'It Wasn't Me Sir' as Bernard Carter leaves school and tries to become an adult. With hilarious consequences. Being grown up is a real pain!

He has to clean his teeth, wash daily and change his underpants more often. Get drunk, have sex, get married, become a student. Acquire a ‘dipstick’ dog, a Lambretta, a death wish and a job with egg-bound scientists.

At work he is forced to buy cream cakes for people he does not like; he tries, and fails to get off with the tea girl, but he does have better success drinking, getting drunk and holding up the last bus to Heanor.

First-time sex was a disaster, not helped by a snuffling dog and a mean-spirited barber. He does get a wife and she gets Jumbo the canine equivalent of the village idiot! His aged father-in-law also gives him sex advice in an unintelligible dialect,

He also starts a caving club, gets stuck in a hole with a dysenteric dog; and sees pictures of his neighbour’s naked wife. These and many more stories will keep you entertained and laughing out loud.

About the Author

Born and educated in Derby, Bernard Carter left the area after gaining a Diploma in Creative Photography at the College of Art.

After a short, but successful career in photography he became a self-taught Botanical Artist and Illustrator and still exhibits on behalf of the Royal Horticultural Society as a Gold Medallist.

Bernard has moved constantly around the UK and is well travelled having a particular love for the remoter parts of Australia. He presently lives in Miller’s Dale, Derbyshire.

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SKU: 3442768394

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Vincent McDonald
Grantham, US
★★★★★ 5
Good quality
Color: White, Size: X-Large
For a relaxed fit order true to size. Very nice quality. Value for money. Very soft. I purchased the white, is very vibrant
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Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2026
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THANKFUL
Charlottesville, US
★★★★★ 4
Too small, good quality
Did not fit quality was good
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Reviewed in the United States on January 26, 2026
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Dani
Chelsea, US
★★★★★ 5
Nice and great price
I ordered this for my son for a school event and it did not disappoint. Great quality, perfect fit, and the material was thick but not too heavy , cheap looking.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 27, 2026
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mia mrozek
Phoenix, US
★★★★★ 5
Comfy Stylish Shirt
Color: Beige, Size: X-Large
Bought for my husband and he wants it in a few colors. The style is perfect for everyday wear from work to out to dinner. He loves how comfortable and soft the fabric is too. Sizing is on point he wears and XL, and it’s not tight on him.
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Reviewed in the United States on March 15, 2026
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Logan Powell
Birmingham, US
★★★★★ 5
Good product.
Perfect for the office. Thin material, stretchy. Definitely dry clean for longevity purposes. Fit great. Looks sharp on
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Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2026

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