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Description
The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes)A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realms most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier. Whats mine stays mine. Step One: Kidnap someone cute. Step Two: Force her into marriage. Step Three: Try not to catch feelings. When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets
A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realm’s most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier.“What’s mine stays mine.”
Step One: Kidnap someone cute.
Step Two: Force her into marriage.
Step Three: Try not to catch feelings.
When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets is a knife to the throat and a furious woman with demands of her own. He may need her heroic bloodline to achieve ultimate dominion, but she’s not about to make this easy for him.
Arabella has already survived her father’s tower prison and a lifetime of being treated like property. Getting abducted by the realm’s most notorious villain is just another Tuesday. If she must be married to the infuriating (and infuriatingly attractive) Dark Lord, she’ll do it on her terms: freedom within his fortress, hands strictly to himself, and complete honesty about his plans.
But when those plans go awry, Kazimir faces his most terrifying challenge yet: he must date his own wife. Between magical training sessions, playing golf with the eyeballs of his enemies, and aphrodisiac dinners gone spectacularly wrong, his attempts at villainous seduction are failing at every turn.
As Kazimir and Arabella navigate magical explosions and jealous exes, they discover a far more terrifying prospect than war or magical catastrophe: They might actually be falling for each other.
This dark and sexy fantasy romance is perfect for readers who love: a morally gray antihero (who stays that way); a strong heroine who embraces her dark side (she doesn’t need rescuing, thanks); touch her and die trope; hilarious, wicked banter and sizzling spice; one bed/forced proximity; kidnapped bride/forced marriage; and dark humor.
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4.4 ★★★★★
Based on 13 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 1
Bought a "Used like new" watch. Doesn't keep time
Color: Black/Black/Black/Fast-Wrap
I've had this for a few weeks. Since then, it's lost about 30 seconds. I'm not sure if it's this specific unit that has the issue or the mechanism itself. It's a shame because it's a killer looking watch.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Another Great Timex !
Color: Brown/Brown/Natural, Color: Brown/Brown/Natural
Great beater watch. Lime on hands glows for 15 mins. Indigo is brite. Legibility is great. Fits small wrist well. Great watch!
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Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2026
★★★★★ 3
Light, retro watch
Color: Brown/Brown/Natural
This is a light, comfortable and retro-stylish watch. A mixture of plastic, canvas, and faux-leather makes a good match for a college professor's tweed jacket with leather shoulders and elbow patches. It looks and feels cheap but it's actually a pretty good watch.
Mine has a high contrast face making it easy to read. The hands have lume on them but it only glows for a few minutes. There is an indiglo feature when you press the winder so that's great. The day window is tiny and almost unreadable even with reading classes but other than that it is very functional.
You can adjust the time and day independently (so you don't have to wind through 100+ hours to get the right day displayed). The winder setting to select between time and day adjust is very finicky. Fortunately you only need to adjust the day 5 times a year.
The weakest part is the build quality. I'm not expecting Rolex, but the case corrodes really badly and the strap is short and the stitching failed so it fell off my wrist in about 6 months. I replaced the strap with a better one but the case corroded so badly I tossed it within a year.
Other than looking cheap, poor build quality, and being thicker than I would like, I think this is a good watch.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 17, 2025
★★★★★ 5
A nice, comfortable watch.
Color: Black/ Green
A nice inexpensive everyday watch. It is accurate, a nice size for my wrists. You barely feel it as it is so light. it has a nice clear face Andy only gripe is that I wished it had slightly better loom. Other than that it is a great watch for the money and this is coming from someone with 30+ watches in my collection in all price ranges. It has earned its way into my regular watch rotation.
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Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2025
★★★★★ 4
Good Watch for use in water.
Color: Black/ Green
Here's the deal. It's an excellent plastic watch. If you don't abuse it, it should last years. The advantage of metal bodies and crystal faces, is that they're lot more resistant to scratches compared to plastic, BUT they weigh a lot more than plastic watches. I love the size of this watch while at the same time, it surprisingly light on the wrist. Therefore it doesn't move all around like a heavy steel watch. I hardly know Im wearing this plastic watch. Also, I went snorkling offshore for a week with this watch, no leaks, no problems. It will stand up to water fine. So, if you don't abuse it, its a pleasure to wear, lightweight, waterproof, doesnt slip around, looks good. I imagine the battery should last 3-5 yrs like my last plastic quartz watch. For the price, its a very good watch.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2025